member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
