I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
