I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
