is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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