how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
