she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
