Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
