just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize