Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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