When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Randomize
