sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
