Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
