i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
