Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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