I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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