Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize