so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
