I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
