listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
