the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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