4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
