Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
