At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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