weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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