I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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