i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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