I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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