She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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