apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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