How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize