Pappa wants mamma naked
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
