i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
