I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
