he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
