i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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