Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize