Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
