Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
