Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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