My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
