Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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