Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize