I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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