my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
