i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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