Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Text me some of your sweat
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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