And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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