My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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