Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
