Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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