she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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