WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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