And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
