my soul wont recognize me after tonight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He better not be in your backpack
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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