so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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