i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
