Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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