i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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