Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
