a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize