fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
