yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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