with your own penis?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
