He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
